Want you to make me feel
Like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
I turned the music up LOUD and cracked open a beer. It was thirteen days since I told my husband I wanted us to separate. Thirteen days since I opened the floodgates to a rollercoaster of emotions; relief, guilt, fear, calm, sadness, excitement, nervousness, panic, caution, confusion.
He’d gone to Amsterdam for a birthday weekend I’d booked for him. I told him to still go, without me. No point in wasting it, and perhaps it would be good for us to have some time apart.
I spent that weekend alone in the spare bedroom drinking beer, not eating any proper food and playing Rihanna on repeat, singing [badly] as loud as I could while packing a few things. My head was all over the place, not quite comprehending what I had done, or what was yet to come.