A year in people #94 – the guy who said I was flighty

I met a guy once. We chit chatted a bit, and one time ended up going for a drink just the two of us, but only really because the other people who were also supposed to be going, cancelled. He was nice enough, not bad looking, but I never thought much of it.

One night out, all of a sudden he kisses me, right in the middle of a conversation. Well. It was the first indication I’d had that he liked me like that.
The reality was that it was just one of those that-moment, that-situation things. We stayed friends and went back to chit chatting every now and then.

One night, after a group of us had been out, I asked him why he thought we didn’t get together. I can’t remember his exact words, but it was something along the lines of “how on earth is anyone going to fit in your life?” Apparently I was flighty and not likely to stick around anywhere so why would someone bother? He didn’t mean it nastily, it was just his view; I was too carefree for anyone to have a relationship with me.

We’re two very different people, who live life very differently, so of course from his perception, we wouldn’t have been a good fit. But he did cast a general statement. Maybe he’s right? After all, I’m the one who’s still single, right?

The thing is, this is just me. I’m not going to apologise for it, or change. It’s not wrong. Just different. I did the 16 personalities test this week, which brought me out as a Campaigner (ENFP-A), which, when reading through all the traits, was absolutely spot on.

This paragraph jumped out at me particularly, especially in the context of my ‘flightiness’:

“The reality is that Campaigners’ spontaneity, the seeming inconsistency and erraticism the untrained eye sees, isn’t a product of flightiness or lack of depth, but the opposite – it is a drive to express ideas about a mystical, all-encompassing energy, in the confines of a physical world, and underlying it all is the uniting principle of love, expressed in many different ways, but unshakeable and infinite at its core.”

According to the test, us Campaigners are true free spirits, who are more interested in the social and emotional connections we make, rather than sheer excitement and pleasure of a moment. Which flips that flightiness around; we want that connection.

I think that if I meet someone who’s right for me, then they’ll embrace me, and the way I live life, surely? They’ll get that I’m not running away from anything, that I’m just embracing and discovering life in my own way, and actually I want to share that with them.

I know that in relationships people compromise and come together to have shared lives and dreams. But I’m not going to put my life on hold waiting for someone, just in case it might put them off.

Please don’t pigeonhole me, or put me in a box. I don’t fit.

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