I haven’t left New Zealand since April 2018, only a few months after I moved here. Back then I didn’t feel I’d been here long enough to warrant a trip back, but I already had the flights booked and I was feeling pretty battered and bruised after the break up with Mike, so I embraced it wholeheartedly. Little did I know there’d be another four years until I’d get back again.
My flights in August 2020 were cancelled, and I spent the next 18 months not knowing when, or if, I’d get back to the UK. If you’ve read any of my old posts, you’ll know this was stressful as fuck, and I’ve been in the little safe bubble that’s been Aotearoa New Zealand ever since.
I was surprised earlier today to find I felt apprehensive about flying. It’s been so long since I’ve travelled internationally, and the world’s changed, that I was (still am) sure I’ve missed something. That I’ll get to an airport and not be able to get on a plane because I’ve not filled out a form, or got the wrong passport or something.
There’s also a part of my brain that has wanted to do this for so long, it still doesn’t feel real. I’ve spent so long accepting the fact I can’t see people I love, that it seems surreal to know I’ll actually see people IN THE FLESH in a couple of days. I think my brain, in some self preservation mode, had actually prepared itself for never seeing people ever again, so I can’t quite wrap my head around it.
Add to that I feel a bit nervous about seeing everyone. It’s been SO LONG. The world is different. We’re all different. A global pandemic has changed us as people forever. Maybe I’m different. Will people remember me? Will we have things in common? Has everyone moved on?
So I flip from weird apprehension to being nervous, to sadness at leaving. I think I’ve *just* got my NZ life to where I want it right now, absolutely bloody loving it, and now I’m leaving it for 2 months. Honestly, life is SO good for me right now. I love my cottage so much you wouldn’t believe, I’m LOVING the life I’m making in Reefton and all the people I’m meeting, I’m excited for my new job and I’ve just met someone who makes me smile and fizz inside.
You couldn’t make this timing shit up. Good things come to those who wait though right?
See you soon, UK, and NZ? Wait for me, won’t you?