Month 6 means it's halfway through my 40th year and I'm sat thinking 'what the fuck?' It's a cliche, but time really is flying. It's nearly the end of October and I couldn't even tell you what I've done these past few weeks. Blink and I've missed them. Back on my birthday in April I … Continue reading My 40th Year – October (month #6)
Tag: life
Time to do shit
I've spent too long recently thinking about all the things I can't do, and it doesn't look like some of my circumstances might change anytime soon (residency-visa-COVID-blah), so I've decided it's now time to think about the things that I can. I've got to, I'll go mad otherwise. Although I have lots of ideas about … Continue reading Time to do shit
Post-meltdown musings
It's been a month since I had a bit of a meltdown. I wrote a post a week afterwards, but I never published it. At that time I was feeling vulnerable, emotional, and tired and so instead chose to retreat and look after myself by indulging in some TLC and time out. I'm sharing it … Continue reading Post-meltdown musings
Sunday
I haven’t stopped crying since yesterday morning. Sleep brought a brief, sweet, respite, where I was gloriously unaware of reality. I wake, and it all hits me again. I wonder if I’m having some sort of mini-breakdown. Or maybe full-on breakdown. What actually classes as a breakdown? I don’t cry that often but here I … Continue reading Sunday
I want to feel
I want to feel. I want to experience. Not for when I'm older, or to look back on, just at the time. I want to feel. Love and hope, rejection and pain. Happy, and sad. Cold and hot, rain and scorching sun. Grateful. Weary and exhausted. Satisfied, and yearning. Disappointment and success. Scared and frightened, … Continue reading I want to feel
Sam, Sussex, UK
'I'm turning forty at the end of July and I'm quite excited about that. And happy! I had a real wobble when I turned thirty.' Sam didn't like entering a new decade ten years ago. She says: 'There was a lot of pressure - perceived, not necessarily real - to have your ducks in a … Continue reading Sam, Sussex, UK
40 things I…
...have realised: 1. I don't need an 'identity'. I've had a few over the last ten years; runner, hiker, adventurer, traveller, writer. But actually, I'm just me. With or without those things. Previously, if I stopped doing any of that I'd have worried what that meant. Could I be me? Who was I? I do … Continue reading 40 things I…
Forty (Me, in NZ)
My Dad pushed the roll of paper across the floor in the hallway, the brown sausage unravelling as it picked up speed before hitting the wall. "OK," he said, looking across at me and my brother. "What are we writing on it?" "Happy 40th birthday Mum!" we shouted. "With a BIG four-zero!" Black marker pens … Continue reading Forty (Me, in NZ)
Week one done
One week down in the new job. A pretty long week; the usual getting-set-up, reading-all-the-policies and trying-to-get-your-head-around-things as well as two days in Wellington meeting all the team from across the country. It's been a good week though. A REALLY good week. Everything is so professional, my workmates are fab, and seem to work really … Continue reading Week one done