AWOL

I’ve been a bit AWOL lately; writing’s taken a bit of a back seat because I’ve had a lot on. It tends to be something that drops off when I’m busy, but it’s also something that keeps me sane, so it’s a double-edged sword.

Work is taking a priority right now, because, you know, new job and all. I’d forgotten just how much bloody brain space a new job takes up. All that concentrating. I’m also back to working with customers and I forgot how much you have to be ‘on’. Especially if you’re still new and not 100% sure of things. I did get an Employee of the Month award thing this week though, for how much I’ve hit the ground running, which is pretty cool and makes some of the brain exhaustion worth it. Also, it’s SO good to feel valued and professionally respected.

But, jeez.

I am tired sometimes, just trying to do life. Trying to fit it all in. I honestly don’t know how people with kids and normal-sized houses do it.

It’s also winter and I’m also feeling that familiar yearly pull to hibernate; to potter around at home, hide away and take it easy. Rest and reflect. I love spending time at my flat and I’ve been reading a lot; it transports me to other places and distracts my tired brain. I’ve also been running more. Sounds counter-productive, if I’m tired, but it’s not. It gives me energy and I’m tending to run after work which gives me some time and space to process a busy day (as well as then giving me the excuse to get in the shower and straight into my pyjamas HELL YES THANK YOU). I even bought FLANNELETTE pyjamas. Don’t judge me, they’re warm as hell which is handy as there’s NO FUCKING HEATING in New Zealand bedrooms. Yes UK friends, you don’t know how lucky you are with your fancy central heating in every single room in your house. Although I have discovered micro-flannel sheets which, let me tell you, are a bloody game changer. I’m toastier than a toasty thing at night now, cocooned in my many layers of flannel.

I’ve got some ideas for some new writing series, but I’m not sure if I’m done with Forty yet. I haven’t got anyone else lined up to interview, but I think I’d like to write a couple more before moving onto something new. Just need to go out there and find some people to interview.

And my New Zealand residency application is starting to appear on the horizon, because I can apply at the end of August. It’s been a long hard slog over the last 3 and a half years, with 3 different visas to get to this point, and it feels so close but yet so far still. I have a million and one documents to gather and I’ve noticed the stress is starting to creep in. I’ve likened it to running a marathon; I can see the finish line in the distance, but I’ve hit the wall and am staggering slowly, not sure if I’ll make it.

Objectively, there’s unlikely to be any issue, but ask anyone who’s been in this situation, and they’ll tell you their brain starts to wonder about all the little things that you know you’ve done, but maybe.. just maybe you haven’t? When your entire life as you know it hinges on it, it’s incredibly important. Maybe the medical I’ve yet to have will show up something hidden since the last one only three years ago. Maybe I filled something out wrong. Maybe my old work cocked something up with my contract. Maybe Immigration New Zealand will change the rules the day before I apply.

Maybe. Maybe not. Surely not. Likely not. Definitely not.